Say Something New

I walked through English Bay this afternoon. Surrounded by people holding hands, people walking dogs and people laying in the shade. I walked without reason. I walked as the wind off of the ocean swept up the beach and through the hair of the blonde sitting on a bench eating an ice cream cone. I walked to her.

I walked until a boat picked me up and took me out to sea. It was a boat filled with pirates. And monkeys. And midgets. It was a boat filled with offers of rum, but I said, "No thanks pirate. I don't drink alcohol that way anymore."

He drank it for me.

Then Pillaged.

In a boat, chasing the sun as it moved slowly across the sky. Higher and higher. Lower and lower. Chasing it until I had to turn around and come home.

I took the monkey with me. I'm going to teach it how to pick pockets and then dress him up in a little outfit and give two symbols to bang. I'll then probably end up throwing him away because those monkeys scare me.

Sitting here in a dimly lit room with the sun setting and the moon in the sky. The flicker of lights from a giant globe to the left of me and the crash and bang of a drummer pouring through speakers in front of me. The taste of Italian food and wine resonating in my mouth.

I'm going to be up for a while. Call me.

Weekly Playlist #4

The long (three weeks long) overdue weekly playlist is here. To make up for it I'm going to double the output from each artist:

1. The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots Pt. 1/Do You Realize (Postal Service Remix)

2. Broken Social Scene - Bandwitch/Stars And Sons

3. Cat Power - Love and Communication/Hate

4. Frog Eyes - Caravan Breakers/Masticated Outboard Motors

5. Pilate - Knife Grey Sea/Barely Listening

6. Thunderbirds Are Now! - To: Skulls/Enough About Me, Let's Talk about Me

7. The Elected - Greetings In Braille/Would You Come With Me

8. The Slits - I Heard It Through The Grape Vine/Instant Hit

9. Do Make Say Think - The Landlord Is Dead/All Of This Is True

10. Mogwai - Friend Of The Night/Auto Rock

Bonus - Sufjan Stevens - Casimir Pulaski Day (Quite possible one of the best songs ever. Ever)

We're No Here

I spent the better portion of the evening in a trunk. After my last post, and considering the fact that I was sober, this seems completely incomprehensible.

I might not be able to post tomorrow, because I'll be in the U.S of A. shopping, partying and meeting the man. Yes, THE man responsible for the best website in the universe. Here are a few amazing articles:

Looking For A Safe Stance On Abortion? Me Neither.

How To Kill Yourself Like A Man

I Am Better Than Your Kids

You're Fat And Disgusting

Oh and apparently he wrote a book... Go figure.

PS - Sufjan is sold out and I'm pissed... PISSED. No tickets for Geoff. Oh and Wolf Parade is sold out as well, but I have tickets for that, so go fuck yourself.

Ones

People tend to think that I am a modest guy and somewhat reasonable. News Flash: I'm not. Actually, I tend to think that I'm the exact opposite of those things. That is, extremely cocky and completely unreasonable. Case in point:

I punched a baby and took a picture of myself doing it from an above angle as if I were doing it for myspace. I then commissioned a painting of it and now have it hanging above my bed in a solid gold frame surrounded by angels and unicorns.

People also tend to think that I am somewhat caring. That is not as wrong as thinking I'm modest or reasonable, but it really only is right if you're talking about how much I care about myself. Sure, there are people in my life I care about, but you're probably not one of them.

I Won't Blame You

I opened my eyes, looked to my left and smiled. A beautiful brunette who smelled like French vanilla ice cream was laying there staring back with her eyes closed. I kissed her and fell back asleep.

I opened my eyes again. Nobody was there. Another dream. Dreaming of five months and a lifetime ago.

I'm still trying to remain celibate. Whatever reason I had for starting this agonizing life has been lost on me long ago. I don't even know why I started writing two minutes ago, let alone why I chose to make a pretty serious lifestyle change two months ago.

Now, don't think I've been 100% successful in this little endeavor. I think laughable describes that thought pattern quite well. I've been good though, and done quite well by my previous standards.

Surprisingly.

Currently listening to: The World Provider - Valentine (feat. Feist)

The Show

So the show(s) yesterday were great. As I predicted, Broken Social Scene stole the show. That's not saying that Mr. Roberts wasn't great, because he was, but the BSS set was for the most part unbelievable. It made me forget all about the fact that Emily Haines wasn't there or that they didn't play 'Hotel.'

I was so Excited to see Jets Overhead I sat all the way up here

The Stills

I moved. He held his guitar.

Broken Social Scene

I love sax

BSS

The Crowd

She tore it

This guy kept talking about drugs

At this point 12 people were on stage

Cause=Time

Sam Roberts

Members of BSS and The Stills helping out

On fire

'like ya just don't care

blinded

The End

Do You Realize?

Today is concert day. In a few hours I'm off to see The Sam Roberts Band, Broken Social Scene, The Stills and Jets Overhead at Burnaby's Deerlake Park.

Have I mentioned that even though I like Sam Roberts, I'm pretty sure BSS are going to steal this one and are the reason I'm going to this show. Sure, I like The Stills, but their new album isn't up to par and I saw them in April.

Oh and I'm seriously hoping that the little lady in the middle of this picture (Ms. Haines) is up there on stage today. That would be swell.

Everyone You Know Someday Will Die

Today was funny. I was sexually harassed at work and I loved it.

I watched a kid run into a glass door at a restaurant downtown this afternoon. He ran right into it, smacked his head and fell on the ground. I literally fell on the floor laughing. It was legitimately the second funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

The first was watching a stripper fall off a stage. Mid dance. Naked.



Currently listening to: Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots Pt. 1

Friend Of The Night

Geoff and sleeping haven't really fit into the same sentence all that much over the past few months. Unless of course that sentence is something along the lines of, "Geoff hasn't been sleeping," then they fit in there neatly and quite often. There are days when I only find myself going on two hours of broken sleep and days when I max out at five.

It's not as if I don't get tired or don't try to sleep. Hell, it's not even that I don't want to sleep.

I want to sleep. I just lay down at night and my brain starts running a mile a minute. Constantly thinking and analyzing. Reading and reflecting. My brain is too fantastical.

I'm okay with it all though. Yeah, it sucks, but it has its perks. I can lead a double life more efficiently with all the extra time I have on my hands.

Double lives are in right now. My second one is the shit.

We Used To Be Friends

Last night I ended up drunk for the first time in a month and a half. I really do mean "ended up" drunk, because it sure didn't happen on purpose and is still sort of a surprise to me.

It's pretty weird to talk about not drinking, because of how much my life was centered around alcohol for years, but now it seems even more weird to talk about drinking. Not that I don't still tell stories about getting drunk, sleeping with models and taming Unicorns, but the context is always in the past tense and seems part of a different life. Well, except for the sleeping with models and taming Unicorns part. That's my Tuesday.

Last night also reminded me of why I'm not drinking anymore. I didn't like myself and actually left the last party I was at for about an hour or so. I was going to take off completely, but was stuck out somewhere in West Van and I didn't want to leave the person I came with, so I just chilled out and talked to a couple of people on the phone until I came down enough to relax. It was kind of funny, I mean, I usually love myself when I'm drunk and it's other people who don't like me. I guess maybe I was just so upset at the fact that I was drunk in the first place.

Oh and to the person who picked me up, took me to the party and then gave me a place to stay. Thank you and I love you.

PS - The Decemberists are coming on November 18th. We're going.

Blackbird

I posted an MP3 of Metric covering Elliot Smith a couple of days ago. Here's Elliot Smith covering The Bealtes "Blackbird."

Don't go getting stab happy.

I'll Make You Ok

I'm pretty sure nobody feels the way I do about you. Now.

I'm also pretty sure that nobody loves Ryan Adams as much as I do, for the reasons I do. Honostly, the guy is an amazing musician and pumps music out faster than Amy pumps out abortions, but that's not why I love him. The guy did a better version of "Wonderwall" than the original by Oasis, but that's also not why I love him. I love the guy because he is an asshole who doesn't care about anything. Period.

Why do I mention this? Well, besides the fact that I'm currently listening to the above mentioned song, I sort of wish that I was my usual self and didn't care about anything today. Whatever. It's all fuck. I'm golden.

Tomorrow/Today should be fun. I'm looking forward to it.

MP3 Of The Day

Emily Haines and James Shaw (both of Metric) - Between The Bars (Elliot Smith Cover)

Stolen with love and good intentions from Quinn of, "From Blown Speakers"

PS - There are about 99 shows listed on that page that I want to go to. Look them over and let's go on some dates.

I Chose Horses

I just sat by the phone all day today. Sitting and waiting for a friend and a phone call that never came. Every time the phone rang I hopped up with the joy of a kid on Christmas morning, only to look at the caller ID and be let down like I found out my girlfriend was pregnant or, worse, I liked Coldplay.

Now, I hope you feel guilty. Sitting wondering if I'm talking about you. Or you. No, not you... You.

In all honesty, today was great and the above line is a joke. I went out for an amazing seaside lunch and walk. I made pretty damn good money and 4 girls gave me their number at work tonight. Below par, but still somewhat flattering. I say "somewhat flattering" because I expect all girls to ask for my number.

Oh, on a completely different note, I woke up today to a young Spanish man sitting on the ledge outside my window. I'm on the fifth floor. I know he was Spanish because he was yelling in Spanish down to someone on the street and said, "hey, I'm Spanish." I hope he was talking about the fact that he was stuck on the ledge outside the room of a man sleeping naked.

I'm listening to Art Brut.

I also just found out that I can cross off Playboy Playmate off my list. Yes, it happened a few years ago, but it doesnt change the fact that shes now a playmate.

Word.

Paradise Linky

I could sit here and type some long winded story about my day and what I did. I could talk for hours and type for more. But I won't.

Here are some links to do the talking for me

• New Chappelle show skit: The Black Howard Dean (Byahh!)

• New Chappelle show skit 2: Revenge

• Every South Park Episode. Ever

• Why Japanese television is better than ours: Reason 754

• "The 25 Biggest Wusses... Ever" (why Chris Martin didn't at least the top five is beyond me)

• This is funny to me

• The Daily Show: There Goes The Gayborhood

• Daily T-Shirt

You Hear From Me

I woke up today and broke 59 traffic laws to get to work on time. I know it was 59 because I counted and then laughed. It was great though, I got to work and made fun of Scotty because he was back working there, and then cried because I was working there. I might be menopausal.

Cat Power is singing "Love & Communication" right now.

Devendra Banhart is coming on next.

One Year Ago tomorrow I unknowingly embarked on one of the biggest misadventures ever. I know because my blog told me. I think it was that weekend that I lost my mind.

I was thinking today about fucked up breakups. It's funny. I've never really been in a "fucked up" breakup sorta situaiton. I've been dumped and I've dumped. But all of them have been pretty standard. I mean standard in the sense that we've sat and talked about it, or not talked about it, but known that it was over. There haven't been emails or text messages or never talking to them again or murder plots or unwanted pregnancy and abandoments. It's been pretty boring and I've now decided that if I'm ever stupid enough to get into a relationship in the first place and it ends up going sour, I'm going to go out in style. Maybe I'll break up with someone over speakers corner. Maybe I'll take out an ad in the paper and then cut it out and paste it in a card and then give it to her mom. Maybe I'll buy her a cat and shave "We're done. Bitch" into it's back. Maybe I'll stop rambling now.

Write me an intersting email. That or call and pretend you care.

A Man Possessed

For the most part, today was a good day. However, there was one rather interesting conversation that was sort of thrust onto the table and forced me to take more of an introspective look at myself. I couldn't ignore it and pretend it didn't happen as I could if daddy hit mommy at the dinner table.

Right around the time the spring rolls came out, I was subjected to some sidewalk lunchtime psycho-analysis. Psychology. Finger pointing. Whatever it is you want to call it. Either way, personal/love life choices were thrown in front of a moving train.

It's not as if I'm not fully aware that my life is a seemingly endless revolving door of completely meaningless sexual conquests and relationships. I'm not ashamed to admit it. Period. Yet, having someone who was so close to me look at this and then come out claiming that I'm filling some sort of an emotional void or preventing myself from ever actually caring about someone kind of shocked me.

Not because it's not true, but because she called me on it.

Having someone call you on your bullshit is always a shock to your system. It's a shock, but a needed shock. I don't know how I'm going to take this. I mean, where do I go? I'm already trying to walk down the street called celibacy. Admittedly, I've made a lot of pitstops along the way, but I'm trying.

Whatever. My computers background is a picture of a Pirate punching a little girl in the face. It's glorious.

Random IMing

...Chels says: You there?????

...Chels says: come over

...Chels says: If you answer within two minutes I'll blow you

...Chels says: Looks like your out of luck

...Chels says: come on I'm bored

...Chels says: I'm going to go play with myself

The Avalanche

I know full well that I didn't post the weekly playlist on Saturday, but to make up for it I'm going to lead you down a new path:

• Stream Sufjan Stevens "The Avalanche". Parts 1 and 3 (It's basically Illinois Part 2. Outakes and remixes, but it's still brilliant)

• Pitchfork's Infinite Mixtape (an ever-expanding playlist of Pitchfork's favourite new songs with MP3's for ALL of them. You can thank me later)
  

Dirty Whirlwind

There are days when I sit down and think that I could come on here and write for hours. There are also days when I sit down and want to write for hours but can't come up with anything beyond lyrical masturbation.

For those that know me or are close to me, you know I have both a lot to say and, well, nothing to say at all. I go through periods of intense focus and desire only to come out ready to stick both thumbs in the air and say how great I am. No talk of the experiences I've been through, people I've met and loved. No talk about anything of substance, beyond the occasional half assed apology or regret filled letter to someone I never name. But have named.

I don't know what to say because I've already said it. I've come on here and wrote about not wanting to turn this into a diary or journal filled with depressing posts of longing, loss and misunderstanding. I don't want to sit here and complain. I hate complaining. That's why when I have problems, I don't talk about them and just leave certain situations completely.

Why would I have something to complain about though? My life is great. I have an amazing family. I have an amazing group of close friends whom I love with all of my heart. I have two jobs that provide me both flexibility and an income with which I live a pretty damn good lifestye. I'm thankful for all of this. I am. Yet, I want more. I need more. Ambitions and dreams are starting to take precedence over everything else.

I've thought long and hard lately about creating a drastic change. A change I've told no one about. Well, that's a lie, I've told one person. With each passing day it seems more and more appealing. We'll see what happens with that, but rest assured that many people will be shocked or upset. What can I say, 23 years filled with broken promises, why stop now.

Your Hand On My Neck

The seven hour gongshow I called work is over and, surprisingly, I'm rather uppity. Work was crazy though, that's really the only way to describe it.

Last night was crazier. My sister and her friends are complete nuts and I love them for it. I had a blast and fun was definitely had by all. However, if the way a couple of them looked this morning is any indication, I wouldn't be surprised if they couldn't drink for a year.

I'm going to go work out and then shower, after which I'm heading to north van in an effort to ruin the reputation of all men this side of Russia. What am I doing you might ask? Well, I might tell you if you actually did ask, but I'm not posting it here so the cops don't have anything they can use on me down the road. Just know it's going to be fun and your not invited. Except you. And you.

Calls or Emails are appreciated.

Ahoy hoy

I'm kinda sorry to move Jennine from the top spot on the page, but it had to happen. Why? Well, this sexy bitch just got home from camping. And of course by "just got home," I mean "just got home 8 or 9 hours ago and didn't care about coming on here at all." Anyways, I'm not about to make apologies for the lack of posting yesterday. I had a great day spent completely away from computers and my constant need to let people down.

Today is not going to be too different. It's my wee-sisters 19th birthday and I'm going to spend it getting her really drunk at a bar with her friends while I stay sober and laugh at all of them.

Sufjan is coming on October 14th.

That is all. You may resume your daily activities.

Birthday Girl

We met a little over a year ago in a local CD store. I was standing in an aisle trying to decide whether to buy the studio or live version of my favorite David Bowie album when out of nowhere the lights dimmed, the opening chords to Motley Crue's "Girls Girls Girls" started up and in she walked out of a ring of a fire.

All I thought to myself was, "That strange girl is singing along to the theme song from Saved By The Bell. And she looks like fun. And she is mildly attractive. And she has good taste in music."

Then Scarlett Johansson grabbed my ass, but I just ignored her.

Then a midget dressed in a pickle suit rode by on a pony and asked me where to buy little umbrellas for fruity drinks and I told him I loved him, but I was busy.

I said, "Hi. I don't know you, but I love you." She laughed and said she knew.

She was wearing a shirt with a picture of Charles Manson on it.

We chatted for a while. I asked her if she liked jumping off of rocks and she said of course. We made plans to jump off of rocks together. We never did. But we did everything else.

We've sat and talked over breakfasts, lunches and dinners. We've sat through hours worth of comfortable silences. We've gone on trips to islands and forests. We've gone on trips to nowhere and back. We've hitchhiked and we've driven. Maimed and killed.

We invaded Iraq together and then left a mess and blamed it on old Dubbya. Together.

I've made mistakes and we've fought. Even when it wasn't my fault, it was. I know I can't promise too much, but I can promise that even when I'm mad at her, I still love her.

Today, Jennine Nicole Banks turns 20. She barely looks 32.

I'll never admit it in public, but I'm probably a better person for knowing her. She's too smart for her own good and she knows it. She also tries to act too strong for her own good. She really is a marshmallow. She pretends she isn't, but she really does care. And love. And feel. She doesn't want people to see that side of her because everyone thinks she's too cool.

I love that side of her.

I wish you nothing but the best. I hope that when I'm 70 and you're 29, we can still sit and laugh at illegitimate children and White Ninja over plates of Waffles or Gelato.

I'm always here for you. Even when I'm not.

Happy Birthday

How I Rolled

Today was eventful.

I woke up to a phone call at 8:30 am from a friend asking to be picked up from the airport. Unfortunately/fortunately I couldn't do it because I had to work. (the fortunately part is a long story)

Worked

Met up with my favorite Iranian.

Went to beach.

Ran over a Sea Gull (Hey, it flew in front of the car).

Watched kids cry.

Worked.

Met up with my favorite Scot.

Went to the PH and lounged for a couple hours.

Went out for Gelato with Emma.

Masturbated

and now I'm going to go work out and then probably head back out (it is my first day off in 7 and technically my Friday).

Call me. I'll be up.

Word.

4th Of July

Well the fourth of July really does mean nothing to me. I'm Canadian, so it shouldn't. However, it is the first fourth of July in five years that I haven't been down in the States partying it up. It feels kind of odd to be sitting in front of a computer right now instead of being in a bar or a random house party in butt-fuck USA.

I'm on my way out the door though, so I'm cutting this short.

Oh and I'm still waiting for the entertaining emails, you sons of bitches are dissapointing.

Priceless

Can you put a price on perfection? If you can, the bidding on me isn't going to start cheap.

On a different note of perfection, this week marks the beginning of a new era for my beloved White Ninja. New comics will now be posted three times a week (Monday, Wednesday and Friday).
If there is a god, I'd like to thank her.

www.WHITENINJACOMICS.com

Trust Me, You Can't Trust Your Dreams

Work was ridiculous today and I'm actually too worn down to think of something funny.

Wait.

That's a lie. I just thought about this one time when I watched a friend (who had just been beat up) collapse and have a seizure in an ER waiting room. That's not the funny part, the funny part was having wheel chair wheelie races through the halls of the hospital while waiting to find out if he was going to be okay.

The things you do to distract yourself or protect yourself from painful thought.

Here are some small distractions for you:

• 9 minutes of Gold. Quite literally. It's the first two seasons Best-of from Entourage's Ari Gold (hilarious)
  

• T Shirt of the day

• You're Gonna Die Soon by Sarah Silverman (performed in front of old people)

• David Hasselhoff can't be stopped
  

• Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart absolutely lose it on the daily show. I absolutely lost it in my pants... That sounded wrong.
  

With Killer Stares and Sideways Frowns

For years my weekends seemed to blur together into one large drunken mess and orgy. It was a great period of my life. Honestly. However, looking back on my first "sober" Canada Day since I was maybe 13, the old lifestyle seems less appealing.

Sure I look back on it and know that I love getting drunk. Slurring words. Sleeping with different girls every weekend. Night. It's a fun lifestyle, but one that I'm actually kinda happy to have moved past. For now at least.

The weekend was spent working and lounging in the sun. How can I complain? I can't... But I can complain about the drastic increase in douchebaggery seen around these parts. I don't know how to explain it except to say that a lot of people are a lot less tolerable when I'm sober. I always thought that I was a pretty accepting guy, but I'm starting to think that was a side affect of only seeing certain people while drunk. Whatever. Blah.

I'm going to go and liberate a Eastern European country.

Write me an email. Yeah, you. You haven't written in a while.

Word

Weekly Playlist #3

1. Phoenix - Run Run Run

2. Dark Side Of The Cop - Shakey Little Rules

3. Test Icicles - Circle. Square. Triangle. (Spank Rock Mix)

4. Ladyhawk - The Dugout

5. Idiots! - Send My Senses

6. The Replacements - Androgynous

7. Mountain Goats - Woke Up New

8. Sunset Rubdown - Winged/Wicked Things (Live Daytrotter Session)

9. Stars - Soft Revolution

10. The Boy Least Likely To - Faith (George Michaels Cover)