R.I.P. Anna

July 1, 2002 - June 30, 2006

I loved Anna. I loved her with all my heart. We've gone everywhere and done everything together. We've held hands, run through fields of daisies and gone on walks through forests filled with dead babies, beef jerky and lumberjacks. I've slept inside of her and she's slept beside me. She was black, but I loved her anyways.

Today, Anna left me. She's gone, hopefully, to a better place. I don't know what to say. I'm choked up right now and, well, I'm not that good at yougoogilies. I better stop before I cry.

I'm trying to look sad here (because a certain somebody suggested it), but apparently that is impossible. I found out today I was born without that gene or the basic ability to feel what you humans call sadness. When I mentioned above that I was choked up or that I might cry, that simply meant that I was filling up with rage and mormons were in danger.

On the last trip we took together

Le Trip Pictures

Surprise, surprise, Geoff is bored. Anyways, I've been the very definition of procrastination the past two days. I was going to write up a review, but fuck it, you're getting a picture essay. Geoff and Jennine's Whistler/Pemberton Sexy Adventure:

The ever glowing Ms. Banks as we embark on our journey.

Driver. Navigator. Savior of lost souls. Free Abortion giver.

We stopped for breakfast. Jennine is in Luvb.

Yeah... Ummm... Paper and Jam trees.

Happy because I finished my whole meal. Alone. Without any help. Whatsoever.

She sleeps after a big meal.

Sittin on the dock of the bay...

The view from Micky's dock/house (Alta Lake)

So apparently it's pretty ugly out.

Don't say a fucking word.

Jennine rolls hard

I'm scared of her

In the shadows of giants

Lay In The Reins... Riding Into The Sunset

First time on a horse... I'm pretty much a Cowboy now.

Jennine's pelvis and Max. And my car.

Jennine and Max... "The most flattering picture ever."

Link On The Run

• The post about the past two days is coming you needy sons-of-bitches. I'm a busy motherfucker, but I've started writing it. I just have to find the cord to hook my camera up to the computer and then I'll get it up here. Fuck.
  

• I'm officially sure that there are only two places I'd rather be than Vancouver in the summer time. Today was a great change of gears for me. Of course by "change of gears," I mean that I did the exact same thing I've been doing for over a week or so.

• Courtesy of Drawn Together: The most blatant/hilarious racism on television this side of Dave Chappelle. Video
  

• Drawn Together does it again by providing the most blatant sexual reference possibly ever seen on animated television. Video

• Embryos. I'm not touching this one. Not a chance.
  

• New Perry Bible Fellowship comic

• Can't see anyone regretting THIS tattoo.
  

• Pichfork's "100 Awesome Music Videos." With videos for all of them.

• T-Shirt of the day

• The two places I'd rather be: The Sunday night Cock Fights in Tijuana and in a locked room with Chris Martin for five minutes.

• I'm home early tonight because I start my new job tomorrow. Yes, it's about 11 and some people consider that late, thanks grandma, but I have a hard enough time sleeping anyways and figured it couldn't hurt to come home early and try to fall asleep. Call me or email me.
  

Yawn

I'm le tired. Super le tired.

The past two days have been wonderous and I'm going to write up a recap or a story or a shopping list of what happened later. I wasn't even going to post anything until tomorrow, but the new White Ninja is too god damn close to how I'm actually feeling right now, I just had to post it. I love that guy.

Flash Posting

I'm going to make this quick, because it's just too damn nice outside to sit in here in front of a computer trying to come up with witty ways to say I went to an epic party last night, had a fantastical sushi lunch and now plan to go to the Jazz Fest for the afternoon. Whew.

...but yeah, I'm on my way out to wander around the Vancouver Jazz Festival for a while and then heading to my usual spot down at English Bay. Call me sometime. Bitch.

Weekly Playlist

1. Sleater/Kinney - Entertain

2. Arctic Monkeys - From The Ritz To The Rubble

3. Morningwood - Televisor

4. Renee Renee - Sexcapades

5. Super Furry Animals - Demons

6. Liars - It Fit When I Was A Kid

7. Deerhoof - Wrong Time Capsule

8. Jerk With A Bomb - Pyrokinesis

9. Limbeck - Home Is Where The Van Is

10. Frog Eyes - Soldiers Crash Gathering In Sparrow Hills

Bonus: Peaches - Fuck The Pain Away

Fields, Shorelines and Hunters

There was a period of time where every second post on here had a reference to how much I loved myself. Slowly but surely the posts started to get fewer and further between until we reached a point, the point we are at now, where there really is hardly any mention of my greatness at all. Don't get me wrong, I didn't stop because I don't love myself anymore.

Pffft... Please.

I just stopped because I realized that everyone else knew it as much as I did. It was like beating a dead horse. A very beautiful, sexy, smart and unbelievably irresistible dead horse.

Well over the past two days I have come to an unbelievable conclusion that I just had to share. What was once thought to be impossible has, indeed, been proven possible. Through the wonders of science and evolution, I love myself even more than I did yesterday. I rock so much more than ever before. Honestly, I'm amazing.

That's pretty much it.

I have no point to make here. No real rants to go on or hippies to bash. My day was spent in as much comfort as I've spent the previous seven and it ended surrounded by naked women and alcohol. Women I didn't touch and alcohol I didn't drink, but I don't have any complaints. Although I do have a quick word of advice, if you go to a strip club I highly suggest going with a large group of females. I got better service tonight than ever before and I'm guessing it wasn't due to my animal magnetism.

Word

I don't know where to begin. Honestly.

Today was another day spent relaxing on a beach, going out for lunch and dinner and then relaxing in a pool. I'm not quite sure how it is that I live the life I live, but I'm enjoying every damn second of it.

One major problem here is that I might have sold my soul to the devil. I broke down and verbally committed or expressed interest in a job I have long avoided. We'll see where this goes, but I'm sort of regretting it already.

Off to the N.V. and a house filled with drunks and druggies.

Geoff Is Bored

I'm stubborn. I got tagged as the least likely to do this stupid thing and I'm going to prove that douchebag wrong. By being a bigger douchebag...

1. Honestly, what color is your underwear?
Right now… flesh and hair colored. Hot.

2. Honestly, whats on your mind right now?
The fact that I’m not wearing underwear.

3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
A dumbass survey… and talking to Freckles. Yeah, so if you read this, I was totally paying attention to everything you said… the whole time.

4. Honestly, what did you do today?
Woke up. Went swimming. Went for lunch at the Beach Side Café. Played hockey. Went to English Bay. Slept on the beach. Went to White Spot to see my sister and then had free food. Went to visit Leah. Went for coffee with Catie and then came home. Hopefully I’ll be back out of the house in about 30 minutes.

5. Honestly, do you think you are attractive?
I think I’m a sexy bitch. But attractivness is a different quality all together and yes I also have that one.

6. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
I fingered an old lady.

7. Honestly, do you watch disney channel?
I didn’t even know it existed. I also don’t know that there is a show called Lizzie Mcguire.

8. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
I’m jealous of anyone that gets to spend time with me. You are all so lucky.

9. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
Being with someone I care about. Sorry, that was my vagina talking. Real answer: Midgets, beef jerkey, titty bars, underage porn, dead babies, beastiality and Dr. Phil.

10. Honestly, do you bite your nails?
Nope, but hopefully I’ll one day end up like Spenny and bite other peoples.

11. Honestly, what is your mood right now?
Bored. I’m doing this because I have to and I’m waiting for a phone call. Call me back dammit.

12.Honestly, have you had an eating disorder?
Only when I was on Americas Next Top Model. They edited it out of the show.

13. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute?
Yeah, but I don’t want to talk about it.

14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
I have tons and they probably include you. Yes, you.

16. Honestly, do you hate someone right now?
Honostly, what happened to number 15? But to answer the question yes, but my hatred of Phil Donohue runs deep and would take hours to explain.

17. Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now?
A polar bear.

18. Honestly, are you loyal?
Should have asked me that before I slept with my friends girlfriend. But if you really break it down, I sure as hell am loyal because he asked me to do it. Wasn’t my fault I like/d her.

19. Honestly, are you in denial?
No. But I'm probably in denial about that...

20. Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now?
honestly... I'd always rather be having sex (but right now I’m trying something called celebicy… First time I’ve told anyone. Look, I don't even know how to spell it. So shhhhh.)

21. Honestly, who is your best friend?
Brandon is my hetero-lifemate. Hopefully, given some time, Banks will be back up there taking the female spot.

22. Honestly, have you ever consumed alcohol?
Do you even know me Mr. Survey???? Shit.

23. Honestly, do you like someone?
I like a lot of someones. I like every someone, that’s my problem. Some someones I like more than other someones, but hell, I still like someone.

24. Honestly, does anyone like you?
From some certain text messages, voice mail messages, emails, grabs, whispers and second hand information I’ve received lately… No.

25. Honestly, is it going anywhere with them?
I’m celibit, remember?

26. Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly?
With a mixture of humour, exageration, lies and truth. Figure it out for yourself.

27. Honestly, who is the least likely to respond.
I'm going with Banks, because I think she hates these things as much as I do. Or anyone of the 30 people who read this thing every day and then pretend that they don't.

Sit Down Honey, Let's Kill Some Time

I haven't been able to sleep more than 4 hours in a night for at least three months. This coming from a guy who loves his sleep. And by loves his sleep, I mean looooooves his sleep. I guess, through work, stress, sex, drinking and whatever the hell else it is that I do, my body has just gotten to a point where it doesn't want me to sleep. Maybe it can't.

I don't like it.

One good thing I've been getting out of this, besides having more time in a day, is that I'm able to take a more introspective look at myself. Analyze situations, moods, feelings, etc. It's weird. For the one or two people out there that actually know what has been going on with me and my life, all the changes have been born late at night. Laying in bed thinking. Walking around False Creek and Yale Town at 3 or 4 in the morning.

I don't know what else to make of it. I sit and take it in. I stick it in my mouth. Enjoy it. Make innuendo out of it.

I just hope I don't end up in my own little version of Fight Club. I guess that might not be a bad thing. I am delusional enough already, being certified as crazy might just mean I'll get some "fun" meds.

Call me or email me and tell me something funny, I'm more than sure I'll be up.

War Pigs

The best thing I saw all day happened to be a midget in a speedo wondering around English Bay. Honestly. It was blue.

The best thing you'll see all day is this video of The Flamming Lips and Cat Power covering Black Sabbath's song War Pigs. Word.

Something Like A Link-anomenon

• It just started raining downtown. The people at the Dragon boat festival are leaving or drowning or eating popsicles. To be honest, I don't really care. What I do care about is the number one threat to America: Bears.
  

• Memo from Matt Stone to the MPAA concerning South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut = Best memo ever.
  

• Hasselhoff does it again: Secret Agent Man

• T-Shirt Of The Day

• Care Bear Ethnic Cleansing

• George Bush Hates Blind People

• Borat's Guide To Baseball

• Worst thing I've ever seen? That would have to be this one time in Mexico when I saw a woman having sex with a goat. I felt sorry for the goat, but this is right up there.

• In honor of a recent decision in my life, "The Ten Greatest Drunks"

• I'm pimping myself out again, call me or email me.
  

Tsuxiit

Yesterday was a good day. A 21 hour day filled with a lot more than I had expected to accomplish at 6:30 am when a phone call from an arriving guest woke me out of a coma.

Best. Waffles. Ever.

I don't think words can express how much it means to me to have things sort of getting back to normal. Sitting at a hotel restaurant at 7:30 in the morning, laughing and talking like we used to. A walk around the False Creek sea wall and the comfortable silences starting to creep back in before the rain did creep in. I'm still in a weird mind state about it all though. Hesitant. It's not in a bad way, just not sure as to the pace at which to roll with this.

Fast or slow. I'm happy. Hungover, but happy.

We Both Go Down Together

Periodically and, well, quite sporadically I have posted a list of 10 (or 11) songs that I like or were the top ten "Recently Played" songs from iTunes. I'm thinking that starting today it's going to become a weekly little feature. Word.

Weekly Playlist:

1. The Decemberists - The Engine Driver
2. Elliot Smith - Baby Britain
   
3. The Walkmen - This Job Is Killing Me
4. Le Tigre - I'm So Excited
5. Bright Eyes - Lover I Don't Have To Love
6. Bloc Party - Two More Years
7. Bunky - Chuy
8. Calexico - Yours and Mine
9. The Format - Compromise
10. Islands - Don't Call Me Whitney, Bobby
    

Horror Show

I really don't think I could have woken up today to a better picture. Honestly, I love this guy so much it's fucking retarded. Re-re-re-tarded.


Pete Doherty being wheelchaired out of an airport. Because he just got kicked off a flight. Because he was too high to walk. Mere hours after checking out of rehab.

Pete Doherty is innocent. Remember it.

Number Two

I guess I was a little early posting the Knoxville video the other day. The official/full trailer for Jackass: Number Two leaked online last night. Here you go you ungrateful neo-cons:

!@*$%#

I'm actually alone right now. The sensation is new and weird and kind of odd and slightly arousing. I used to be a big fan of alone time, but for a couple weeks now I haven't really had a single moment of solitude.

Now here I sit. Alone. Happy. Content.

The apartment seems smaller with nobody else here and that's why I'm inviting people over. No party, just a series of wine and cheese gathering running through monday. We will discuss world issues such as the perfect fabric softeners, smoking salmon, feeding hippo's and running through fields of daisies in slow motion. Hopefully Arsino Hall shows up and gets angry because we didn't tell him how good the cheese was. That would be cool and totally original. Trust me, I thought of it.

Fancy Claps

The funniest/most disturbing thing that has ever happened to me happened to me this past weekend. I'm still kind of in shock about it, but laughing my ass off at the same time. What happened? Well, I'm not going to tell you.

What I am going to tell you is that through the little number on the left that tells me how many people have visited my little page here, I can see who looks at my page, where they come from and how they got here. No, it doesn't give names, but that's not the interesting part. The interesting part is the people who come here from google searches and what they are searching for.

The best from the past week:

• "horse fucking pictures"
• "Midget singles"
• "dating midgets"
• "hot midgets"
  
• "Pierre Mcguire'
• "Hot Christians"
• "underage girls"
• "babies"

I'd love to know what the guy who was looking for "horse fucking pictures" was thinking when he got to my page. Was it a sense of relief because he didn't have to see horses fucking or a guy fucking horses. Was it a sense of disappointment because he couldn't masturbate yet? Either way, he brightened up my day. Thank you.

(I know the number is on the right, but you looked to the left now didn't you. It was all part of my masterfully masterful master plan)

Jackass: Number Two

This is why I love these guys: Brilliance in stupidity



(on a side... I'm on my way out and will be up for a while due to the fucked up sleeping patterns of the past four days. Call me or Email me)

Live It Out

The scene of the crime... The Elephant Castle

2.9 Seconds until the puck drops

Yeah... So... Captain Morgan tried to stick his finger in my ass

Brandon just picked his nose

Right after Ryan Smith scored with 2 minutes left to win it

Interviewed for MTV... Kicked off for swearing too much

Whyte Ave, crowd surfers and drunkards

The sea of people stretched for about a Kilometer

Come On Die Young

I'm home from Edmonton and to say it was fun or describe it as a near perfect weekend would be an understatement... wait, no, that would be accurate. In fact, it was just enough fun that when I pulled into Vancouver last night I didn't want to stop the festivities and ended up partying until about 4 am. I have about 10 hours of sleep under my belt since Thursday and I'm about to pass out on this keyboard sitting in front of me. I'm out.

I'll post some pictures or a recap later, but as for now, I'm rollin with Saget.

Run To The Hills

By all accounts there is just too much Hard in this picture. Pictures like this are the reason that small children stop believing in Santa Claus and the Easter bunny. Pictures like this are the reason that you can impregnate woman by merely doing the wink and the gun. Pictures like this are the reason that it is legal to punch infants in some Eastern European countries.

Anyways, I'm leaving this picture up for a reason. To scare small children and because I'm outtie 5000 as of this evening and will not be able to even think about posting until I return on Monday. It's Edmonton or bust.

I know you'll miss me.

Geoff Is Loved

If I believed in god, I'd believe that god loved me and that this time he had the best god damn plan ever.

A couple of weeks ago I posted a video of one of my favorite bands performing one of my favorite songs and at the same time complained like a little girl that I had never seen them live. Over the past couple of years I've had a few chances to go, but always had to work or deal with school or I was out of town. I'd been beating myself up over it. Well, a couple days after I posted that video, a little birdie sent me an email telling me that said band was going to be coming to Vancouver in August. The birdie also sent me information on how to get tickets to the show a week before they went on sale to the general public. I kept the info a secret because I'm selfish and I didn't want there to be any possibility of missing out on the show. Today I bought three tickets to see Wolf Parade at the Commodore on August 20. I have a boner.

In the immortal words of John 'Bluto' Blutarsky, "Who's with me?"



Wolf Parade - Shine A Light

7/6/06

So yesterday was 6/6/06 or 666 or "I'm a douche who believes in a calendar that isn't even based on actual dates." Everyone and their mothers were writing about this day, about the implications, ramifications and well, the hype behind it. I chose silence.

It wasn't because I was out all day and didn't find myself at home until 4 am 7/6/06. It wasn't because I don't believe in religion or heaven/hell or god/devil. It wasn't even that I didn't want to conform and write about something everyone else was writing about.

What was it then? Simply put, I have something against numbers. All numbers. You and your number loving, patchouli smoking, spiritual hippie friends could have made a big deal out of this around all the drum circles you wanted, but I wasn't breaking. My hatred of numbers stems from an early childhood counting accident that left numerous dead and many, like me, with a life long vendetta.

What good did any of this do you? What good was it getting all worked up over eeeeeeevil and the devvvvvvil? While all you people were running to math class and worrying about numbers, I was laying in bed with a beautiful brunette TV star talking about unicorns and rainbows and lollipops. Don't judge us.

Review It Like It's Hot

So this morning I was pumped to sit down and write a proper review of the Bright Eyes show from last night. The single greatest review of all time, one that would make people look at other reviews in the same light people look at Paris Hilton. I'm not saying the other reviews have herpes or The Clap, but I am saying people would realize how bad they suck. And by the way, I am saying the other reviews have herpes and The Clap. Be careful.

Now citizen, you may be asking yourself, "why are you telling me you WERE going to write that review? Why don't you write it now?

Answer to question one: Go fuck yourself.

Answer to question two: Play in traffic.

You see, I came on here this morning and Blogger was all sorts of fucked up. It wouldn't let me write my review, so now I'm kinda pissed at blogger and I'm not going to put out. No review for you. What I will do for the kind people who read this thing is give a short point form overview of my thoughts. That's all you're getting.

Best Song - Without a doubt, "Lover I Don't Have To Love." It was slightly changed from the record version and had a simply amazing Trumpet solo at the end. It also had the loudest and warmest crowd reaction of the night. Runner up: A tie between "Poison Oak" and "First Day Of My Life." Both were unreal.

Low Point - I wouldn't say that there was a low point during the Bright Eyes set, but the fact that they didn't play "Lua" or "I Believe In Symmetry" left me slightly disappointed. The Gruff Rhys dead battery problem could be considered a low point, but he played it off rather well and it added some humor to his set.

The Crowd - I don't know what I expected going in, but it sure wasn't that I'd end up in a My Chemical Romance video. I wonder if 90% of the people there go to get their hair cut by the same blind guy with scissors behind the 7/11 on Abbot street? The guy who jumped on stage after the band left before coming back for the encore and said "So this is what this is like!" into the mic wins the fan of the night award.

Surprise of the Night - Gruff Rhys. I loved the Super Furry Animals, but didn't really dig too much of his solo material that I'd heard. Live, he came across as one of the more personable and funny artists I'd seen in a long time. I had a chance to talk to him for a minute at the end of the concert and he seemed even more down to earth off stage.

An Excuse To Get Hurt

I just got home from the Bright Eyes show. Well by "just," I mean that I just got home from hanging out after the Bright Eyes show that ended an hour and a half ago. It's kinda funny actually because I'm totally dissapointed, but the show was pretty fucking sweet. I'm going to collect my thoughts, but here are some quick pics to keep you vultures off my back.











Gruff Rhys... Rock it, don't stop it



Bright Eyes - Conor Oberst



Le Amazing



It's a horse eating hay... I told him he was fat, he ate more hay. We're probably best buds now.

Bang

So I wanted to write something epic. You know, just the same-ole changing the world and wrecking lives type of writing that has become common place around these parts. Right now I can't. In T-Minus one hour, I should be at the Bright Eyes concert. I'm expecting greatness. Hopefully I'll have something up here later on.

Word.

Le Tigre

I think Geoff has found his halloween costume early...

Late Night Filler

Fact: It's 1:50 am.

Fact: I am tired and I can't sleep.

Fact: I have had approximately 12 hours of total sleep in the past 7 days.

Fact: I think I'm delirious. Not "haha" Eddie Murphy delirious, but "hey look at Jim Morrison walking with a naked Indian in the desert" delirious.

Fact: Wayne's World is awesome.

Fact: I have two softball games tomorrow.

Fact: I know I shouldn't have admitted that.

Fact: At the moment I have 20 of 100 msn contacts blocked.

Fact: I'm going to be in Edmonton from the 9th-12th.

Fact: I know one of you is up right now and as bored as I am.

Fact: That one person should call me.

Lie: I actually intend to write something worthwhile tomorrow.

The Blueprint

So as I was sifting through the few pictures I have from Sasquatch (my free/found $900 camera got killed amidst the hail and rain), I came to a brilliant realization. I'm so proud of myself I could do me right now. What did I figure out? The epiphany is three fold:

1. I love music

2. I love traveling

3. I love me

Since I love music and traveling, I figure the best way to make "me" happy is to go on a spiritual journey next summer. From this day fourth it is my goal to attend the three or four MAJOR music festivals in North America.. Coachella, Sasquatch and Bonnaroo. That's Indio, George and Manchester. California, Washington and Tennessee. Desert, Gorge, and Hickville.

The possible fourth festival is Lollapalooza which no longer travels and is held in Chicago. This is only a possibility because, well, it's still over a year away and they don't even hold it every year. That or SXSW, which is a 10 day music/film feast in Texas. It's ridiculous, but would also entail buying tickets for a lot of different shows and venues rather than one festival. Blah.

Anyways, they are all held within two months of each other and I figure it would make for one hell of a trip. Whether I do this as one long road trip or as a bunch of mini trips spaced apart is still up in the air. Fuck, it's still a year away, get off my nuts.

Either way, this is going down and I'm more than willing to invite anyone who wants in for one or more. I'm a people person.

WEBSITES: Coachella

Sasquatch

Bonnaroo

Lollapalooza

SXSW

Quick Pics

The Decemberists

Death Cab

Matisyahu

He willed a rainbow

Speechless

Is it wrong that I'm laughing so hard I'm crying?



Holy Fucking God