Thursday, September 29, 2005

Steve-O: Suicide By Journalism

**NOTE**I had a very interesting/emotional/crazy/what-the-fuck type of day yesterday. It was too much for me to handle and I'm going to write it up if I feel better about it all tomorrow. For now here's something I got a few days ago, but felt other people should read it (Plus I'm too lazy to write anything up myself)**NOTE**

Steve-O’s Freelance Writing Debut

Suicide By Journalism:Why I Want To Be Shot Dead By A Rapper

I often say, “I don’t want to live long—I want to live fucking forever”. It’s not some kind of joke, the fact is that our only real instinct is to survive and we, all of us, are going to wind up dead as fuck. I like to think that, once we’re all dead, future generations will giggle at video footage of the sillier things I did in life.

In July of 2004 I walked into the G-Unit studio, had $750,000 dollars worth of jewels draped all over me and proceeded to say many things on a mixtape to deliberately jeopardize my life when 175,000 copies of it were distributed in the first shipment. I started “beef” with people I knew nothing about, except that they were genuinely violent criminals.

Why would I do such a thing? Believe it or not, it’s because I’m scared of two things: anticipation of death coupled with prolonged agony and suffering, and the depressing likelihood of sucking in my life once I pass my “prime”. I’m already 31 years old, the wrinkles are kicking in and I want to do my best work, then get shot (without seeing it coming) and be dead before I hit the ground. That way, I will have my legacy forever intact, unlike Christian Slater, who begged me for cab money the last time I spoke to him. Did I just write that despite the fact that I know Christian Slater has been known to carry loaded firearms through airports? That’s fucking right I did, come on Christian, bring it- I’m ready to die.

Now that I’m warming up, let me explain why I would rather be Ol’ Dirty Bastard than Flava Flave. ODB, bless his heart, was never a hypocrite, he was far more violent in his personal life than he ever was in his art and he died doing what he loved: drugs. ODB was merrily rapping away in his studio (after having swallowed a twisted up sandwich baggy of powder cocaine which had begun to leak) when he instantly died of a heart attack. He did not suffer and he will live forever as the king of being what he said he was, a filthy motherfucker. I don’t see Flava Flave as much of a threat, so I won’t waste many words on him, I’ll just say, “911 used to be a joke, now look at Flava Flave.”

I think we all know that Sean “Diddy” Combs isn’t at all scary, but I’ve got beef with him—he disrespected me in a bar after I put major effort into performing a stunt for him and his friends. With that in mind, I would like to know how the world forgave him for calling a witness to testify against his friend, the rapper Shyne, to put him away for ten years, just to avoid having any form of “pesky probation”. Puff, that was a bitch-ass move, so if you’ve still got any actually-scary people around you, send them my way. While I’m on the topic of scary people in the hip-hop community, let me add that my affiliations with the G-Unit are real and anybody whose got any problems with the G-Unit need to take them up with me.

People often ask me if I have beef with Johnny Knoxville and the answer is, and most likely always will be, no. Johnny could have been part of the plan to make sure none of his Jackass sidekicks got paid shit for our Jackass movie, but he refused to set foot in front of a camera before his boys were taken care of. Johnny also recently purchased a “his and hers” set of firearms for him and his wife. He told me that he bought her a “nice and light Smith and Wesson hammerless .38” to shoot him and I’m telling him to use his “sweet Winchester twelve-gauge” on me, for sharing that information.

I’m really getting hot now, so let me move on to Christianity. I would never burn down a church, because that would be to ruin a building that could potentially be used for productive activity one day. I will say that the Holy Shroud of Turin displays an image of Leonardo Da Vinci, not Jesus, and for Christians to feel that Jesus died for us to put our sins on his “tab” is revolting to me. When I do wrong like to hold myself accountable, not Jesus. If any of you Christian assholes don’t like that, then, please, fucking shoot me.

While I’ve been writing this, I’ve felt as though a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel great, I’m going to go out and do something really silly. For all the people do don’t like the silly things I do, remember, you’ll be just as dead as me when your great-grandchildren are loving that fucking shit.


Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Midget Porn... It's Funny

It's funny, for someone who doesn't really care what he says in real life, I've become awfully nervous and apprehensive about what I write in here. I have all these pent up feelings and thoughts that I haven't been able to express to anyone and because I think this thing is more personal than actually talking to someone those feelings haven't even been able to be expressed here. Basically, I've been stuck sitting here unsure as what to write, because I'm unsure as to who reads this thing.

It's funny, going back and reading things you wrote about weeks, months and years later. I sometimes find myself wincing at my fourth grade level of spelling and grammar, it's down right awful really. Not to mention the poor quality of subject matter, man I was a little pussy at times. With this said, it's all really a learning experience. Each mistake, each scratch, each chink in the armor... It all, undeniably, led me to where I am today. It led me to who I am: The single greatest person to walk the face of the earth.

It's funny, I just wrote a whole post and didn't say shit.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Quote Of The Day

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."

- Oscar Wilde

Sunday, September 25, 2005

The Year In Pictures... So Far (Part 2)

Keller and Brandon
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Looks like Steve was more drunk than me on my b-day
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No beer makes Geoff and Jennine go something-something
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The night started so well...
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...But ended so poorly.
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I laughed
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With some of the In-Laws.
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Always in trouble
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Hitchhiking on Galiano
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Don't remember who this is...
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On Galiano
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Lunch Box
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Saturday, September 24, 2005

The Year In Pictures... So far (Part 1)

This seems to be a recurring theme, but I'm having trouble being somewhat creative right now, so I'm going to just post up some pictures from this past year. (note: A couple are from a little over a year ago and none of them are in any sort of order... Get off my nuts)

Myself and Brandon drunk in Montreal
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Portland Night #1: Didn't even know this pic existed until about a month ago
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Night #2... Drunk and eating hotdogs
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Steve and Rachel
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Ricki's O face
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If you know anything about Phil... This is Hilarious
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Robinson and Myself
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Kelly and Bree (Bree's Cabin)
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Sean, some-guy and Sissons
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Digging for gold
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Name the drug that makes Phil kiss everybody.
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We were drunk, Rachel was more drunk.
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Amber seducing Sandra
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Pretty Self-explanatory
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Keller, Camping on her birthday... In February.
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Phil, Bree and Keller
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Thursday, September 22, 2005

The Happenings

It's funny how accustomed you get to doing certain things and when they are taken away you don't really know what to do. Maybe it's just how you get accustomed to doing "things," or so accustomed to a routine that when your stuck doing nothing or the routine changes it becomes almost unbearable. Over the course of the summer I spent almost every single day or night out, whether it was partying, going out for dinner, lunch, coffee, camping, road trips, going to the beach, hiking... Whatever it was, I was rarely home. Now with school back in full swing, I find myself sitting here reading and studying, but my mind and body are going through withdrawals. I've spent so much time out and with certain people that when I don't see them or am out doing something I don't know what to do with myself.

Do I do more homework? Wait, it's done.

Do I watch television? God it's awful.

Do I sit here and write about nothing? Well you've seen how productive my last few posts have been!

I'm in that weird transitional phase that people go through when they kick a drug habit, quit smoking or maybe go on a diet. It's really hard for the first little while, but soon becomes easier and easier to slip into the new slippers of apathy and laziness. I've actually had the novel idea that to take my mind off of not doing anything, I'm going to cut out drinking completely for the foreseeable future. That's right... I'm going to combat boredom by doing even less. What sparked this novel idea you might ask? Well I have to blame it on a conversation I had while out for dinner a couple of nights back. It got me thinking about what I want, how I feel about certain things and basically made me take a real introspective look at myself and where I am. This is the only place I'm talking about this, because I don't want to be the person who says they are doing something and then quits or fails. I make fun of that person all the time.

Done Rambling.

Monday, September 19, 2005

The Unattainable

"People don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. People want the dream-what they can't have. The more unattainable, the more attractive."
~Anonymous quotes

What is it about the unattainable that is so damn desirable? Why is it that people will forego something that is better for them, healthier, easier or less costly (emotionally, physically & financially) for something that they are told or believe that they can't have? Is it the thrill of the chase? Is it a control issue? Domination? Personally, I think that people are just not willing to settle. No matter how good you have it or how good something right in front of you may be, there is always the dream that something better lies around the corner. It's choosing the mystery box or what's behind "door number 2" instead of the new car in front of you.

The fact that someone would do anything for you, hell maybe even care about you more than anyone else, may not be enough to keep you interested past a few nights. The fact that vegetables are better for you may not stop you from wanting a greasy burger and fries every day for lunch. People are so in love with the unattainable that they will turn away perfection in search of fantasy or miracle.

I don't know what else to say about this right now. I read the quote and started rambling. It just resonated so deeply with me and kind of expressed how I've been looking at a lot of issues in my life... School, work, financial etc. I want so much for my present and future that it is all starting to clump together and seem like a dream. Ambition is a motherfucker.

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The post is sitting in first draft purgatory right now, so I may re-write it or revise it later. For now, I just wanted to get it all out there. Stay Tuned Bitches.

International Talk Like A Pirate Day

Ahoy me hearty! Today be international talk like a pirate day... So down ye grog, raise the jolly roger and rape & pillage or fear ye souls be lost to Davy Jones' locker. Aarrrr!

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Sunday, September 18, 2005


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November 27, 1942 - September 18, 1970

Monday, September 12, 2005


I've been sitting here writing aimlessly for about 2 hours or so now and couldn't finish anything worthwhile. Not a thing. So until I finish writing the other crap, you get nothing... Deal with it.

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(Thats right, I said It)

Thursday, September 08, 2005

White Ninja Comics

I was a big fan of a comic website, White Ninja Comics, a couple of years ago. For some reason or another, I stopped reading them and ultimately forgot about them all together. That was until I was recently re-introduced to them by a good friend (who seems to quote them all the god-damn time) and thus, have fallen love all over again.

Here's my favourite of the new ones...

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Here's The Site (there's over 300, so have fun)

Wednesday, September 07, 2005


I don't know what it is about summer vacation that makes you forget everything about schools. Whether you love them or hate them, take 4 months off and you'll forget every bit of it, right down to how it feels to take notes or sit in one place for a couple hours.

Within 15 minutes, every last bit of what I hate about schools came rushing back to me. Don't get me wrong here, I love everything you are supposed to learn in schools. I love reading, learning new material and I am immensely interested in world issues. However, when you stick a 65 year old woman who should be knitting or playing with her 18 cats in front of a room of 20-somethings and tell her to teach them about things at a University level... Hilarity ensues.

The "professor" must be the very definition of loopy. She spent an hour and fifteen minutes going over the syllabus, then had us go into groups to discuss any problems or things we didn't understand. Now, I understand that some people might not get what a syllabus is about. I understand that some people might have issues with wording or questions about due dates, but don't tell me that after an hour and fifteen minutes that anyone in the world could have questions about that thing. I could have gotten the point across to a Ethiopian immigrant that doesn't speak a word of english inside of 30 minutes. I'm there to learn, not to spend 10 minutes talking about how many percent make up an 'A' or 20 minutes talking about how plagiarism is bad... mmmkay. The whole thing could have been really funny, if I didn't think that she was starting to develop a severe case of Alzheimer's.

I guess I've just had so many good and interesting Prof's over the past couple years that I've taken it for granted. I forgot that there are a great many that should have had their teaching liscences taken away years ago. The course material does seem interesting enough and I'm sure I will enjoy reading it and learning it at home, but to say I would rather be locked in a room with the guards from Abu Ghraib than be stuck in a room listening to this mindnumbingly boring excuse of a teacher is an understatement.

Is that wrong?

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Dear. Summer,

Dear. Summer,

I really hate to do this. I do. I don't know what to say, it's been fun, but I think it's time we go our separate ways for a while. No, it's not you. I loved our time together. The road trip to Nelson, the camping trips to whistler and squamish. From Warped Tour to watching the fireworks from a boat in the middle of English bay. Drinking in the sun all day and then partying all night. From the tops of a mountain looking up at the stars to the dozens of restaurants looking down at candles. Oh, lets not forget Galiano... That was an adventure.

For once, I never really went anywhere, but it was perfect.

Yet, like all perfect things, it has to come to an end. It's time for school and time to cut back on the partying. Time to spend more time in doors. I'm sure you'll pop by for a few days in the next couple of months, but I have to think about me and what's best for my future right now. I wish we could have had more time together, but these things are never meant to be. I've held on as long as I could.


Thursday, September 01, 2005

Caring Is Creepy

I am an asshole.

I am, it's as simple as that.

I usually don't find myself caring much about anything and it has been a problem (or gift) of mine for quite some time. I don't care what people think about me and I don't care if I offend people if it means expressing what I truely believe in. The only notable exception to the above is that I care more about my friends and my family than I do about myself. I may be a sarcastic son of a bitch and I may make fun of them, but don't think for a second that it is ever done with the intent to hurt. I would probably do anything for a friend and I care more about what they think and feel than is probably healthy. In fact, seeing some one I love or care about get hurt, upset or just generally in a bad way is my kryptonite.

Now with that said, I have found myself in a wee bit of a pickle the last couple of months. Stuck between two friends and stuck keeping secrets and lies that normally wouldn't be a problem. In the past I have been the friend of guys and girls who have cheated on their "significant others." I have been the friend that has known about it and kept their secret because it was told to me in confidence and I didn't really know the SO well enough to care about what was going on. Now here I am in a situation where I care about two people and know both sides of the story, but sit here typing about it rather than talking about it.

Should I tell both of them what I know? Should I keep my mouth shut? I've been asking myself these questions every god damn day. Before you jump down my throught for this, hear me out a little more.

I've been friends with "A" longer than I have been with friend "B." Even though I have been friends with "A" longer, I feel closer and a better friend with "B". Everything I know I was told in confidence and I have always believed that when told something as a seceret, it should stay a seceret. I mean, what are you if you don't have your word? I'm not saying "B" is better than "A" or vice versa, it's just I see one getting more and more emotionally involved in the situation than the other and thats what is killing me. When this started, both looked at it for what it was. Fun. I knew about things that were going on behind eachothers backs and I didn't think much of it because I figured neither would get hurt. It's just when you start bringing emotions into situations that are already fucked to begin with that you start developing problems.

I know I haven't gone into specifics, and for good reason. I am getting mentally screwed over the situation. I don't want to call anyone out or get involved in the situation more than I have. I have actually lost sleep over this the last little while and it all comes back to me caring about my friends. I don't know what to do, but don't mistake this as asking for advice. I think it is simply a release, just a way to get this out of my system.

Caring Is Creepy