Monday, February 26, 2007

Don't Be Fooled

To say that my life is different from last year wouldn't be a stretch.

At this time last year I was working on top of a mountain and spending everyday with a little lady, running around town doing nothing and everything. I drove a little black car, had little worries and little responsibilities. We would sit in restaurants drinking bottles of wine and drive around listening to some indie rock band that you've never heard of because they were to cool for you.

This year, I am working on the ground. In a restaurant surrounded by screaming kids and loud music that I try not to listen to in hopes that it doesn't rub off on me and into my life away from work. If I had a life away from work. I have been sick and throwing up for 5 days. I would be driving a little silver car, but it is something we won't talk about right now. The girlfriend is good. It's still weird though.

I leave in a couple months. Two months, almost exactly.

That's right I decided to go through with it. I still don't know about Coachella, but either way I am leaving town. It's time.

Currently Listening To: CSS - I Wanna Be Your JLo

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Wake Up

The last post was hilarious to me. The last two were hilarious, but the first one was at least serious. I really shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a computer when it's after 3 in the morning and I am falling asleep.

Delirium. It's all I can say.

Well that and that I want to go to Seattle today. I'm talking about right now.

Maybe Whistler. I'll let you know.

PS - I have my Coachella tickets sitting next to me. They are beautiful. I want to keep them. We'll see about that to.

Currently Listening To: The Arcade Fire - Wake up

Sometimes In The Fall

I remember when, when I first started to get to know you, you used to call every day. We would talk for hours and we would talk about everything and nothing at the same time.

I remember when we spent time sitting in the sun, on a crowded patio eating lunch and drinking wine. Surrounded by strangers and stuck in silence.

I remember when I used to wake up and look to my left.

How I soaked it in. I didn't stand a chance.

Currently Listening To: Andre 3000 - Spread

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Nothing And Nowhere

I haven't spent a night in my own bed in over a week. Now, here I sit at home and I can't sleep. I want to sleep and just put an end to this day. I work again in less than ten hours.

Work. That has become my life in an all encompassing fashion and I'm pretty sure I am less of a person because of it.

Honestly, today I came as close to having a complete mental and physical breakdown as I have since I packed my bags and took off to Hawaii in the summer on three hours notice. I also came as close to crying today (apparently, I am a pussy) as I have in almost three years. Almost to the day. Two days after my brother died.

None of it had to do with work, I think. I mean, it was just a big build up of events punctuated by an accident this evening. I lost it. I came on here to write and hope that some relief can come from it. I'm tired and my eyes hurt. My neck hurts from the accident.

I couldn't even talk to anyone on the phone. I tried having a couple conversations, one with the girlfriend and one with the lifemate, but I just wanted to end it and could feel myself inching closer to breaking down.

I don't know what to do about the trip now. Coachella? I have tickets, but might have to sell them. Australia? I might have to push it back. Seriously, this whole thing is fucked. Proper fucked.

I think I just need time to breathe.