Wednesday, May 31, 2006

So Many Things Not About You...

Last Wednesday I experienced, what I'm now lovingly referring to as, a complete mental breakdown. How else do you explain leaving your cell phone at home, hoping on a plane and leaving continental North America on two hours notice for two and a half days without telling a soul?

I don't think you do.

I'm still debating weather or not I'm going to talk about it, but I'll never think of explaining it.

Anyways, I previously wrote about not being too beat up about a situation. Let's be honest for a second, I was upset about it. Yet out of it came a realization, an epiphany. I think the not talking, avoiding and snubbing all stemmed from the fact I was scared. Scared that I actually needed someone in my life. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I was fully aware that I needed someone to be a part of my life. I don't like feelings, I don't like talking about feelings and thus, did what I normally do, avoided the situation.

Last night in a park down by the water, shrouded in darkness, save for a solitary light high above, we finally spoke. Feelings were expressed and tears were shed. It's not back to normal. It's not even close. But it's a start. I'm happy for that and ready to try and take the slow road back...

Every lightening rod has to watch the storm clouds come.


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