Friday, May 19, 2006

Hell Has Frozen Over

I'm bored and officially hate myself. Why? Because I actually finished this survey. Emma, you are welcome.

1) Where was your last kiss? At your moms place. She says Hi.

2) What color boxers/underwear are you wearing? I’m not wearing any. Too restrictive.

3) What are you listening to right now? "Sticks and Stones" by Babyshambles. Pete Doherty is my idol

4) Whats your favorite number?: 6 baby, it’s always 6

5) What was the last thing you ate? Pussy… Wait, no, the heart of a dead baby.

6) When was the last time you smiled? I have a medical condition that prevents me from smiling. Luckily it doesn’t prevent me from masturbating and eating beef jerkey. That would be a heartbreaker.

7) How is the weather right now?: It’s 2 am, what do you think? That’s right, sunny as hell.

8) Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Emmmmmmma

9) What is your worst habit? It's not so much a habit as it is a gift from god. I'm stubborn.

10) Do you drink? Only the blood of virgins.

11) Ever laid under the stars? A better question would be: have you ever come up with a survey that doesn’t suck balls?

12) When was the last time, if ever, you blacked out? My birthday. I don’t remember from the point I got into a cab, until I woke up at 3 pm the next day. Apparently I got into bed and stole the covers from Alborz and then passed out… while he was having sex with some girl. Priceless.

13.) Do you have a Girlfriend/Boyfriend? I don’t get involved in anything that I wouldn’t respect myself for doing.

14) Your Hair color? I

15) Eye Color?: Hate

16) Do you wear contacts?: You

17) Favorite Holiday? The one where jesus died.

18) Favorite Month? April.

19) Have you ever cried for no reason?: I’ve made other people cry for no reason, does that count?

20) What was the last movie you watched?: Don’t Be A Menace To South Central, While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood. I woud have said Porno, but I don’t consider them movies, more of a "how-to" manual for life.

21) Favorite Day of the Year?: Two days before the day after tomorrow

22) Are you too shy to ask someone out?: Are you hitting on me Mr. Survey…

23) Last advice you received? "Grab your balls and talk to her"… hahahaha

24) What was the highlight of your weekend? My lawyer advises me not to answer this question, but between you and me... it involves a mexican midget with a speech impediment. Shhhhh.

25) Chocolate or Vanilla? Melato

26) What is the last text message you received? "Dude, fucked a fat chick, call me after work"

28) Who was the last person to call you? Leah

29) Whats you favorite sports team? The West Chester Abortionists

30) When was the last time you slept in someone else's bed? Honostly? I don’t "sleep" in other peoples beds… OH! Fuck I’m good.

31) Favorite basketball team? The one with the white guy on it. No, not him, the other one.

32) Favorite football Team? The Cowboys, baby

33) What were you doing before this? Living a long and happy life

34) Any pets? No, but I do like heavy pet-ting.

35) Favorite Drink? Zima. And I wear polo shirts with my coller popped up and spike my hair and put on cologne to go to the gym. Don’t forget to wax those eye brows….

36) Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? Salted and lightly buttered. Like my women.

38) Favorite flower? If I answer this, I fear my balls will fully retract into my stomach.

39) When was the last time you got in trouble? I’m probably in trouble right now, but I’m a guy so I don’t know it yet. I’m sorry.

40) What did you DO LAST? STOP YELLING AT ME!!!

41) Have you ever loved someone? I love someone right now.

42) Who would you like to see right now? I refuse to answer this question

43) Are you still friends with people from kindergarden? My kindergarden class perished in a horrible finger painting accident. I’m the lone survivor. I’ve been cleared of all charges.

44) Have you ever fired a gun? Haven’t you heard… I shoot faces.

45) Do you like to travel by plane? I like to travel by fat person

46) What websites do you go to frequently? This one and the ones in the side bar.

48) How many pillows do you sleep with? That would be deux.

49) Are you missing someone? I refuse to answer this question.

50) How was your day? I went for sushi, raided Zulu Records, sat on the beach drinking Corona for a couple hours, ended up at Anatoli’s for dinner (thanks Iani) and then back to an apartment downtown for wine and conversation… So yeah, my day sucked.

51) Who is most likely to do this? Hopefully nobody I know is stupid enough to do this. Hopefully nobody I know was stupid enough to read this thing. Still reading? Well, hi there little fella. Bored are we? Yeah, me too. Want a cookie? There ya go, everyone likes a cookie.

52) Who is least likely to respond? I'm not naming names like that evil witch Emma. SEE! I DID IT!


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