Saturday, February 18, 2006

Blogging Freestyle

Alrighty, I'm going to just wing this one and see where it takes me. I'm going to just simply write my inner monologue. No stopping, no proof reading or editing. The only thing I will do is spell check at the end so it doesn't look like trash. 5:18 pm. Here we go...

Shhhh... It's a secret.

In my last post I alluded (and linked) to a reputation I've earned because of my refusal to want to get serious with females. My refusal to want to commit in any way shape or form. It's a problem I've always had, a fun problem, but a problem none the less. I usually end up just wanting to have fun and don't want to have to worry about all the "other" stuff. Yeah, I know I'm an asshole and all, but is that any sort of News Flash to anyone of you? Honestly?

Okay back to the point of the post, which as of right now I have no idea what it's going to be. Oh yes, the secret. Right. Well, bottom line is that if I really like someone and can see myself having more than just a sexual relationship with, I don't sleep with them. Once I start feeling a certain way, I shut down. I can't even really make a move. As I stated in my last drunken post, I get drunk and then let them know how I feel, but I can't make that first crucial step to get the show on the road. I don't know what it is to tell you the truth. Maybe it's that I want to sabotage something before it starts so I don't get hurt? Maybe I just want to keep our perfect friendship the way it is? If you know me, you know this is true. Blah blah blah... I'm a pussy.

I don't know what else to write. I'm just thinking of last night and the things I should have done differently. It was beyond perfect and I think one of the better times I've had in a long time, but I froze. We'll see what happens tonight. Maybe I'll start acting like myself again.

5:27 pm


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