Thursday, December 22, 2005

In The Shadow Of Last Night

I am Jack's raging discontent.

Longing for something better.

I really don't know how to describe last night. I wish I could record my inner monologue, the conversations I was having in my head while not sleeping were priceless.

At 4 am the light from the street/moon create approximately 77 shadow lines across the ceiling.

It's funny really, I could probably think up a cure for world hunger or uncover the absolute truth behind the meaning of life. However, if I'm not in front of a computer when I think of it, all is lost. Seriously, I come up with the best ideas known to man when laying in bed at night, but then forget them in the morning. Bed time genius.

I digress.

Back to last night. I guess last night could almost be likened to a family trip. Two siblings having to share a hotel bed, with the invisible line down the center. Not wanting to cross the line, not wanting to touch. Laying on opposite sides of the bed, not facing each other. Trying to get comfortable in your invisible prison. Rolling over, facing each other, too close, roll back. What's that? Oh no, legs touched. Roll over. Act like nothing happened. Nothing happened.

Yawn. 20 minutes sleep in 40 hours is tiring.

I want to say more about how I felt. How even though we aren't siblings, it was awkward. How even though we had a history, it was awkward. Maybe, the history is what made it awkward. You're not comfortable talking about a lot of things, I know this. Yet, for however long we've been hanging out, I think the vaults have been pretty much open. More so than with a lot of people. At dinner we talked about how annoying the "what are you thinking?" questions are. That's not what I want to get at, I hate that shit. I want to know what the hell happened though. What are you feeling? What changed?

I don't know if you read this. It doesn't matter I guess. Vents Closed.

(If this seems disjointed, I don't give a shit. I wrote it on the fly. Blogging freestyle. I might edit it or clean it up later. )


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