Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Something To Believe In

Earlier this evening I'm sitting in front of the computer writing the most articulate, coherent and thought provoking analysis of the struggle to eliminate homelessness that has ever been written, when all of a sudden my leg starts vibrating. It's my phone. It's Brandon and he has an idea. A brilliant idea: The Canucks PPV game + Beer + Titty Bar.

The struggle to end homelessness can wait.

I agree to meet him there at 7:30 and am told that it's my job to round up a few more people for the festivities. A couple of phone calls later, Drama and Phil are on their way. We all get there around the same time and order a round of beers. The game is going great, the Canucks score a beautiful first period goal and I haven't been bothered about a lap dance yet. It's wonderful.

Then. It. Happens.

Could it be? Is it really? No, it can't be!

Coming in out of the rain, through the fake smoke, neon & black lights, lasers, breasts and asses, I see my high school science teacher. A 5' 5", 250 lb, 57 year old man. Not only the nicest teacher in the school, but the teacher who dresses up as Santa Claus every Christmas and has all the young girls sit on his lap for pictures. This is the culmination of my being. I never thought this man knew what real sex was, let alone that he spent school nights at strip clubs downtown.

At this point, the four of us are having a really hard time not getting out of our chairs and doing jigs of joy. Not to mention that a couple of strippers didn't really appreciate the fact that we were laughing as they shook their asses in our faces, but please ladies... Please. After about 20 minutes it gets even better. He stands up and heads off for a lap dance. After approximately 5 songs (at $40 a pop) he emerges with the same grin that I remember he had on his face while strolling the halls at school. Priceless.

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