Geoff Hates People

Today was apparently some sort of holiday called "Sweetest Day." I don't know if I've been living under a rock, in a cave or maybe just under some really fat person, but I have never heard of this joke of a holiday. What the fuck is Sweetest Day? Please, I really need someone to explain this thing to me. What are people celebrating? How many handicapped people were harmed in the making of this holiday? This really has to be the worst fake holiday in the history of fake holidays. Seriously, whoever is coming up with these Hallmark holiday's really needs to be locked in a room with Dr. Phil and forced to listen to the new Coldplay album on repeat for the rest of eternity.

Don't even get me started on the people who celebrate or participate in these abominations. If you found yourself celebrating this thing today, please, do yourself a favor and see if you can fly while your at it. Come on, if you believe that this is a day worth celebrating, you must believe that you could jump off the top of my building and sail smoothly to the ground as if you were one of the two Eagles that perch themselves on top of Science World. Go play in traffic.