Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Which is Better: Coldplay or A Bowl Of Rice Krispies? An Objective Analysis

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I seem to constantly offend my, obviously moronic, friends with my disdain for the band Coldplay. After more than a couple arguments, I have become fed up with the constant back tracking and talking in circles. All of which has led me here, an objective analysis.
1. Who knows how many band members are in Coldplay? You do? No you don't, nobody does. How many are in The Rice Krispies. That's right, three. Snap, Crackle and Pop. Whereas Coldplay is known almost strictly for Chris Martin, Rice Krispies are known as a complete unit. You don't see Snap or Crackle out there on their own trying to be the face of the band, all the while leaving Pop behind. They don't fight over who gets the most air time or the most magazine covers. Without unity, there is no way a band can survive or truly succeed. Advantage: Rice Krispies.
2. Coldplay has long been hailed as one of the best bands in the world. They formed in 1998 while attending university in London. Snap, Crackle and Pop first formed their group in 1933 and have been amongst the most popular breakfast cereal rock bands of all time. They made their first television performance in the 1960's and have been a constant fixture in households ever since. Advantage: Rice Krispies.
3. Rice Krispies really only perform quick 5-10 minute sets. If left out on the stage for too long they become soft and mushy. Coldplay's average set time ranges from 45-90 minutes. Advantage: Coldplay.
4. With Coldplay, every CD sounds the same. They all include the soft music that frequently makes grown men want to vomit and leaves you feeling hollow, empty and depressed. Rice Krispies, although using similar sounds, never play the same song twice. Every bowl is filled with a new abstract sound and with a different order. Substance that leaves you full and happy, even though its usually over very quickly. Advantage: Rice Krispies.
5. Chris Martin is married to a beautiful and award winning actress. I don't know about the rest of the band, but if they aren't in a relationship they have too many girl fans to not be getting laid. Snap, Crackle and Pop on the other hand have never been known to have a girlfriend (or boyfriend). Advantage: Coldplay
6. A Coldplay CD is going to run you about $14.99, and they've only ever released three albums. A box of Rice Krispies is going to run you about $4, and they have over 5 different kinds. The replay value on a Coldplay CD is almost non-existent, while one box of Rice Krispies will keep you happy for weeks. Advantage: Rice Krispies
7. Coldplay= bland. Rice Krispies are delicious and come in more than one flavor (Chocolate, Frosted, With marshmallow). Advantage: Rice Krispies.
8. The members of Coldplay are known to fight for debt relief, equality and other charitable orginizations around the world. Snap, Crackle and Pop could care less. Advantage: Coldplay
9. Chris Martin named his daughter Apple. Snap, Crackle and Pop's names are... Snap, Crackle and Pop. Advantage: Even.
The Winner:
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FUCK COLDPLAY

3 Comments:

Anonymous your wonderful sister said...

i hate you

4:43 PM  
Blogger destiny483hillary said...

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12:13 AM  
Blogger blogdollar2 said...

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7:00 AM  

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