Sunday, May 29, 2005

Laughingly Furious

Laughingly - To show or feel amusement or good humor: an experience we would laugh about later on.

Furious - Full of or characterized by extreme anger; raging.

A friend of mine recently described to me, in detail, the way he reacts in most serious situations after we got through a pretty crazy situation. Whether extremely furious, extremely scared, extremely heartbroken, extremely sad or extremely nervous, he covers it up with fits of uncontrollable giggling and laughter. He described it as a habit that he has always done in an unconscious attempt to not show any emotion.

To go in a different direction, I found myself sitting here in front of the computer, reading a blog, absolutely furious. Yet, at the same time I also found myself sitting in front of the same computer, reading the same blog, laughing my ass off. For those that have had the pleasure of getting to know me, you might have heard that the one thing I cannot stand is dishonesty or maybe more importantly, people who talk behind other peoples backs. I hate people who are fake, because all that they end up bringing to a situation is drama. For better or worse, be honest and be yourself and even if we don't get along, I will at least respect you.

Now, the problem that I have is not so much someone that is running their mouth about me. I'm not 100% sure that they are even talking about me. Hell, I'm not even friends with this person or in a situation where I will even see them. The only relationship that I had with this person was through someone else and thus a situation of necessity and now that is over. This person didn't come out and blatantly bash me, but they might as well have. Like I said, I'm not 100% sure that they are talking about me, but I'd say I'm at least 90% given the context and the many many subliminal shots fired my way. I would throw a few quotes from the above stated blog up, but I don't want to make this more obvious than it is and my point is anonymity.

So why am I mad, especially given the above stated facts? I honestly do not know. I think that maybe more than anything it was that I genuinely thought that this guy was cool and now I don't know where to begin. I usually have a pretty good bullshit detector and now I'm questioning every conversation we had. Maybe I'm mad at what else was in the blog, what the context was and what this means someone thinks of me as a person. Maybe I'm mad at the stuff that was in the blog that didn't have anything to do with me and would ultimately change the whole direction of the post. I find it funnier more than anything though. Like the title suggests, I'm laughingly furious. I find it funny that I care. Funny that it is even worth talking about (especially given the time that has passed). All I know is that for a second there, I was definitely in a 'surly' mood. Back to regular scheduled programming.


Anonymous Thomas Mindell said...

Excellent, that was really well explained and helpful

11:24 AM  

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