Making It Up As I Go
That is pretty much what this post is going to consist of. I really have no idea where I'm going to go with it, but I can say this much... it will probably be interesting.
So where to start? I guess here is a better place than any. I'm usually a pretty private person. I'll answer pretty much any question that people ask me, but I don't really offer that much up without prompting. For 21 years I struggled with this problem and put more than a few people through long periods of agony because of my refusal to express my feelings. All that has really started to change though. I don't know if it's like a flood gate that cannot be closed or like a car spinning out of control on an icefield, but it sure is open.
Like I've alluded to a couple times, I have been having these absolutely amazing conversations every day for over a week. For at least a couple hours a day, usually on msn, there has just been this free-flowing exchange of information and personalities. I've been pretty dumbfounded really and like the title of this post, I've been pretty much making it up as I go along. I have had zero idea how to even handle this situation, mostly because I have never EVER been in this situation before. I have just been so open, so fast. Pretty much everything has been thrown on the table, and I have no cards up my sleeve. The weird thing is that it doesn't even feel wrong. At all. Actually, it feels odly right to be giving up all this pesonal information. Scary, but right. Like I said, I'm dumbfounded.
Well other than that, I have one exam left. One exam stands between me and a summer filled with... I have no idea what. Really, I need to get a normal job and start going out more. I might edit and add more later so stay tuned.
So where to start? I guess here is a better place than any. I'm usually a pretty private person. I'll answer pretty much any question that people ask me, but I don't really offer that much up without prompting. For 21 years I struggled with this problem and put more than a few people through long periods of agony because of my refusal to express my feelings. All that has really started to change though. I don't know if it's like a flood gate that cannot be closed or like a car spinning out of control on an icefield, but it sure is open.
Like I've alluded to a couple times, I have been having these absolutely amazing conversations every day for over a week. For at least a couple hours a day, usually on msn, there has just been this free-flowing exchange of information and personalities. I've been pretty dumbfounded really and like the title of this post, I've been pretty much making it up as I go along. I have had zero idea how to even handle this situation, mostly because I have never EVER been in this situation before. I have just been so open, so fast. Pretty much everything has been thrown on the table, and I have no cards up my sleeve. The weird thing is that it doesn't even feel wrong. At all. Actually, it feels odly right to be giving up all this pesonal information. Scary, but right. Like I said, I'm dumbfounded.
Well other than that, I have one exam left. One exam stands between me and a summer filled with... I have no idea what. Really, I need to get a normal job and start going out more. I might edit and add more later so stay tuned.
posted by Geoff at 9:39 PM
3 Comments:
I'm really glad that your're finally opening up. I'm not going to make any guesses at what brought it on, and like you said on my blog, I'm not going to be conceited and think it had anything to do with me. Whatever brought it on, I'm happy to hear it - it's such an important part of connecting with people and really understanding someone. I want only the best for you, and I think this is a really important step in a good direction :)
I think that you were a main part in it. Everything that happened with my failure to say certain words in certain situations, your willingness to do the opposite and the end reaction was a big part I think. I had been in those situations before, but never quite felt like I did. It was an eye opening experience and it made me realize the importance of being earnest.
I read an interesting article on it I would like to share with you...
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