Sunday, March 13, 2005

My day...

Got up, went for a walk, worked out, watched TV and sat on my bed.

For really doing so little, it was pretty long and entertaining. On my walk I stumbled upon this extremely weird game that I had never seen before. I soon discovered that it was called Hurling and is a traditional Irish sport. It is sort of a cross between handball and field hockey from what I could gather, but it is nowhere near as dull as it sounds. The people that were playing it, even though competing, seemed to have so much joy for this game and their company. Sitting there perched on a ledge I watched them play for about an hour and found myself transported out of my body and mind. With no thoughts about anything other than the beautiful sun and camaraderie of the men and woman, I found myself completely at peace with myself and my current situation.

Although that moment has passed and I am now, more than any time in these past 4 days, drawn back into a sense of loneliness and anguish. I remember what it was like to be happy and at peace. Even though it was just for an hour, it put the taste back in my mouth. I want that feeling again and I hope that it comes sooner than later because I'm really starting to hurt more and more.

These past four days seemed to actually go by rather quickly, but since sitting on that ledge I have realized how perfectly happy and content I was before. I realized how lucky I was and even more I realized how hard it will be to go back to having any sort of normalcy. It's not that there was break from routine, from what WAS normal, but the fact that I myself don't feel normal. I've always been told that to break a habit or to change something in your life it takes 30 days. So can it be said that certain routines, actions or people in your life can be likened to cigarettes? Will I be fine and able to cope in 30 days? I ask, because that is how I feel. I feel like an addict that is being forced to go without that fix. The cravings are getting worse and worse and I feel as if I am beginning to fiend and in a day or two go through physical withdrawl symptoms. Will I wake up shaking in a cold sweat? Or will I simply keep going through the agonizing hours of absolutely nothing? As cliche' as it seems, I keep saying to myself that only time will tell and to take it 1 day at a time. The only problem is that time seems to have stood still.


Blogger Darcy said...

I'm really glad that you were able to experience a moment of peace, even if it didn't last too long. They never do though, no matter what the situation is, they're always fleeting. I find anyway.
Taking life one day at a time is the only way to do it, as far as I'm concerned. You never know what is around the corner, into the future. So we take each moment for what it is, chew on it, experience it, get inside it, and see what comes next.

9:22 PM  
Blogger Geoff said...

Thats the problem. I'm not the most religious person, but I think I'm going to consider taking up Buddhism. Isn't that whole religion based on equality and achieving inner peace.

Don't know if you read it (or will read this) but I feel a duty to let you know I commented back to you on my post bellow this, in case you missed it. (oh and no need to respond to this one or that one).

5:22 PM  
Blogger Darcy said...

Buddhism would be a good thing to look into. Thich Naht Hanh is a really good Buddhist writer, very simple and clear. One of my favourite books is Being Peace, by Naht Hanh. I think maybe you said that you read it a while ago, but a reread is always good anyway. The Dali Lama has lots of books and writings too of course.
The surface level of Buddhism is good and I found it incredibly helpful. But, like some of the other organized religions, Christianity for example, you find that Buddhism is guilt based when you really start taking it apart. I think that when you really get into it intensely, you have to detatch yourself from reality and the pleasures of the sensual world. So Just a word of caution. I'm not willing to give up my enjoyment of the physical world, so getting really into Buddhism isn't for me. But I took from it the parts that helped me most.
If you're on the same lines as me, I would look into Taoism and Tantra. The Tao of Pooh is an excellent place to start for Taoism, you can find it just about anywhere, including in the cap library. The Tao Te Ching is like the Bible of taoism, so if you get into it, you should definately read it, but be careful about the copy that you get your hands on as some of the translations are not so good. It's also in the cap library i think. I have a really good copy, but sutton has it. Taoism is even less of a religion than Buddhism. It really appeals to me.
I haven't had much chance to look very far into Tantra though, just a little intro thing to it. But from what I read, it's all about indulging in physical pleasures, not just sexual pleasure, but all of the senses, as a way of finding god, or higher experience. I suppose I should probably read more about it.
Anyhow, that is about all I can say on eastern religions. I hope you find these explorations, should you chose to look into them, enlightening, or at least interesting.
If you have any questions on other books or anything, don't hesitate to ask and hopefully I can be of help.

6:27 PM  

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