Love Is A Motherfucker
It's funny the things you take solace in while going through hard times. Normally, I just end up in the warm embrace of my old buddy Jack Daniels for a few days. Well not this time, for some odd reason (that I still haven't worked out) I have chosen to give up drinking for a while. The length of this 'while' has yet to be determined, but its looking like a long while. So for the past few days I have found myself not stuffing my face with comfort food, not drinking away the sorrow of a lost love, but working out, running and writing like the wind. Anything that will keep my mind off the... uhh... well you know. I figured it would slowly but surely get easier to cope with and so far I have never been further from the truth (Well not purposely). I work out and my heart aches, and I can't go outside because the smell of fresh air is unbearable. It has only been a couple of days and all I hear is my own voice echoing from past advice to others in similar situaions...
"Oh it will get easier with time, and you will get over her. You have to go through the rain to enjoy the sunshine right?"
What a fucking dick I was. That sort of stuff is the last thing I want to hear right now and I'm sorry for ever saying that to any one of my friends that were previously in the position I now find myself in. I didn't have a fucking clue and I get that . Its hard enough to avoid the sappy love songs and movies that seem to just bombard you when you're in a vulnerable state, but to be told that you will stop loving somebody and you'll be ok with it??? Fuck that shit. What I want to hear, is my phone ringing and my girl on the other end telling me she loves me back... What I want to hear are the giggling noises we make as our stomachs wage war on eachother while laying in bed or while watching a movie... I want to hear her snort while she laughs when she finds something just TOO funny... I want to hear the cute little squeak she makes when I hug her tightly.
I wish someone would just be honest with me and say, "Look dude, you love this girl and you're not going to get over her. Don't try. Just realize that your relationship is over for right now. Maybe someday down the line you two will get back together, but respect the fact that love is a motherfucker and try to get by the best you can." Because, that is all I'm trying to do right now. I don't ever want to 'get over' her and I know that I will never stop loving her. I'm just trying my best to get by, because love is one crazy motherfucker.
"Oh it will get easier with time, and you will get over her. You have to go through the rain to enjoy the sunshine right?"
What a fucking dick I was. That sort of stuff is the last thing I want to hear right now and I'm sorry for ever saying that to any one of my friends that were previously in the position I now find myself in. I didn't have a fucking clue and I get that . Its hard enough to avoid the sappy love songs and movies that seem to just bombard you when you're in a vulnerable state, but to be told that you will stop loving somebody and you'll be ok with it??? Fuck that shit. What I want to hear, is my phone ringing and my girl on the other end telling me she loves me back... What I want to hear are the giggling noises we make as our stomachs wage war on eachother while laying in bed or while watching a movie... I want to hear her snort while she laughs when she finds something just TOO funny... I want to hear the cute little squeak she makes when I hug her tightly.
I wish someone would just be honest with me and say, "Look dude, you love this girl and you're not going to get over her. Don't try. Just realize that your relationship is over for right now. Maybe someday down the line you two will get back together, but respect the fact that love is a motherfucker and try to get by the best you can." Because, that is all I'm trying to do right now. I don't ever want to 'get over' her and I know that I will never stop loving her. I'm just trying my best to get by, because love is one crazy motherfucker.
posted by Geoff at 3:09 AM
3 Comments:
Now I'm hesitating to reply. Is this overstepping my bounds? Fuck it. If this is the only way that we can communicate, then so be it.
I'm glad you're doing something good for your body and mind right now, running and writing, and not hurting your body, like destroying your liver.
Not much will make this time feel better, but there are things that will make it worse. You seem to be avoiding the latter, and I'm really glad to hear that.
I dont know when/if you'll read this, but I'll say it anyways. Please don't hesitate to write, call or whatever. I just feel it's going to be harder for me to reach out to you because of the way things happened. Honostly, I didnt respond to your email because i didnt know what to say. I still don't.
I totally understand. There is less and less hesitation every time. So far keeping in touch like this seems to be working quite well. With time hopefully we can be more direct. It's going to take some time I think.
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