Thursday, March 24, 2005

Hypocrisy vs Enlightenment

When I started this blog all those many moons ago, in November, I said to myself that it wouldn't turn into one of those angst ridden, whiney blogs that is just a whole bunch of complaining written out to annoy those around me. Well after re-reading fair bit of what I have written over the past couple weeks, that's exactly what I have been doing. I always despised reading live journals, blogs and emails complaining about how hard life is being stuck in middle or upper middle America. I just thought, "It's life, GET OVER IT!" Now here I sit, contemplating the hypocrisy of it all. I have become what I never thought I could. What I said I wouldn't. I am THAT person.

I set out with the goal to write down critical thoughts of the world around me, tell my story and generally just write. Some of those things I have done, but lately it's been done in manner that I'm just not happy with. What happened to the idea that I could question the information coming through my television, computer and newspapers? Has it gotten to the point in my educational career that I have taken the notion of "giving people what they want" home with me. Has it gotten to the point where my bullshitting and trying to achieve the highest mark possible has ended up infiltrating my everyday life? It's kind of funny really, but that's the way its looking. I'm just glad that I had my little moment of enlightenment now rather than 15 years down the line when I'm un-happy with my 9-5 and cookie cutter existence. No longer will I write down, think or express what I think people want or believe. I will write down and express what I believe. It's not that I don't care about other peoples thoughts and feelings anymore, but to be blunt... Fuck'em. If it is impossible to express how you feel in a forum that is supposed to be open without boundaries, then I'll move somewhere where it is possible.

In one sense this is the end, the end of one moment in time and my life. However, in so many other ways this is just the beginning. Look out.


Anonymous Von Leos said...


11:08 AM  

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